LET’S CONTINUE OUR CONVERSATIONS.
COME WITH ME TO MY NEW SITE AT
Thanksgiving Day is nearing, and I’m thinking back over the years how things have changed for me. I have gone from host, to guest, to customer, and now back to guest. I tend to stress out when having lots of people for dinner at my house, so for a long time, I didn’t really look forward to Thanksgiving. Then, for many years, I travelled hundreds of miles to be with family at this time of year. But, there were also years when my husband and I went to a restaurant and had a quiet but delicious meal alone.
Now, my family is reduced to one sister and her two married children. We all live close to each other and look forward to a day together with great food but few hassles.
Each of these styles of celebrating Thanksgiving evoke strong emotions for me. I’m wondering how things have changed for you. Or, have they? Are you going to be host, guest, or customer this year?
I hope we’ll all show support for each other by writing a note about your thoughts on this. I hear so many of you say you like to read what others write. So, please, write something for each other.
When I became a caregiver for my mother, I wasn’t even familiar with the term caregiver. I plunged into this role with no plan, no preparation, and no training. Since then, I have learned that caregivers “are people who provide unpaid care by assisting an ill, frail, or disabled family member or friend with activities of daily living”. The definition makes it sound so clean and tidy and noble. Ha! Before I tell the story of my experiences with caregiving, I’d love to hear yours. Chances are that you have been, are now, or will become a caregiver. We read the statistics. But, statistics don’t tell us what it’s like to have that day in and day out responsibility. Tell us what it’s like. What is your experience? How is your life affected by your role as caregiver? How do you feel about these responsibilities?
All of us lived through the Women’s Movement, but not all of us “joined” the Women’s Movement. Understandably, we all had different experiences during that time, and I am interested in your reflections.
How do you see a woman’s place in our world changing during your lifetime?
What impact did the Women’s Movement have on you then and how did it influence the rest of your life?
Clearly we cherish our friendships with other women. I was touched by the beautiful tributes to your friends that you wrote last week. Now, let’s talk about what you do to keep your friendships alive? How much time do you spend with friends? What sorts of interests and activities do you share? I think we’ll all get inspiration from reading your comments.
This morning, I watched a video of author Gail Caldwell speaking to a roomful of women about her new book that comes out this week. The book is called Let’s Take the Long Way Home: A Memoir of Friendship. Every woman in the room sat in rapt attention with looks on their faces that said to me that they were thinking of their own friendships. I can’t wait to read the book, and I think this is a great time for all of us to appreciate those special women in our lives.
If you will, think and write about one of your best girlfriends. How long have you been friends and what makes this woman special to you?
I don’t worry about my financial future, but I do feel that there are certain troubling things that are my responsiblity to figure out. Some of those things include: what would happen if I got a catastrophic illness? How long should I plan to live in my own home? Can I afford an assisted living facility or a nursing home? Can I stretch my money out to last as long as I do? Will I reach a time when I have to ask for financial assistance? And, this is only a partial list!
My question to you is: when you think about your future, what is your biggest financial concern? Please explain, if you will.
How would you describe the difference between your financial responsibilities and those of your mother? Contrast the way you and your mother handle the emotional side of dealing with money. Is there anything different between our generation of older women and our mothers’ generation?
I am working on a chapter about money and how it influences our lives. In the next few weeks, I’ll focus on questions regarding our individual relationship with money. Not how much we have or how we spend it, but how it helps shape who we are.
Our generation is distinct in that we were touched by the Great Depression; we witnessed the Golden Age of Prosperity that followed; and, we have been living through a serious economic downturn for two or three decades. Obviously, I’m not an economist. I’m interested in how these huge national movements have affected our individual lives.
My first question is this: How did the Depression influence you, and what lessons did you learn that still help you today?
The line between the end of middle age and the beginning of the next phase of our lives is blurry. Honestly, I’m not sure exactly when I crossed over that line. But today, at age 67, I know that I am beyond middle age. My life is different in a myriad of ways. When did it change? When did I realize that I was no longer middle-aged?
I’d like to hear from you first, if you don’t mind. When and how did you realize that you had crossed over the line that marks the end of middle age? Was it a birthday? Did it creep up gradually? Did it hit you with a hammer after you were well beyond middle age? Or, possibly, do you still think you are in the middle age range?
I think we will all enjoy reading each other’s stories.
Women & Aging 